after thanksgiving thoughts and fears

thanksgiving was this past thursday, for americans.

my family loves the holiday because everyone comes together.

my friends love the holiday because they get to go home for the holiday.

i used to love the holiday before the eating disorder.

now it just scares me.

thanksgiving stresses me out.

it’s that simple.

it’s the one day when it’s acceptable to gorge yourself.

it’s the one day when everyone stares at you and watches you eat, even more closely.

it’s the one day a year where i almost change my mind about recovery every year.

guaranteed.

i found this video on youtube which describes the “post-thanksgiving” feeling perfectly.

does this sound familiar:

you wear loose clothes, so no one can se the weight you’ll gain.

you inspect your body “pre-meal” and “post-meal” to see if the food made any visible change.

for days afterwards you feel bloated and convince yourself it’s noticeable to everyone around you.

if any of this sounds like you, you’re not alone.

whether you’re currently suffering from an eating disorder, in recovery, or out of recovery:

you aren’t alone.

thanksgiving is a challenge for everyone affected by the disease.

however, it’s a wonderful opportunity to show loved ones how much progress you’ve made towards recovery.

by making an attempt to eat, you’re proving your victory over anorexia, bulimia and ednos.

it takes more than one meal to visibly gain weight.

know that partaking in a holiday meal will not make you appear different.

i promise.

i have to remind myself of that very idea every time there’s a big dinner.

your family and friends love you and will not be judging you on what you eat.

odds are they’ll probably be pleased to see you making an attempt.

i always worried my family would think i was “healthy” if i ate food on thanksgiving.

“healthy” was the biggest fear i had in regards to other people’s opinion.

for those of you with the same concern i had: one meal will not change people’s opinion of you.

however, it might cause them to have more respect for you.

and that’s never a bad thing.

for those of you who celebrated thanksgiving, i hope you had a lovely holiday.

if you’ve been struggling, know you are growing stronger and healing is a process. what seemed difficult this year, might not be as hard next year.

for those of you who did not celebrate thanksgiving, i’m rooting for you this holiday season.

we can do this together and have the best winter together.

you are beautiful.

you deserve to not worry about holiday meals.

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