Monthly Archives: May 2013

self-love v. self-hate

you put on a mask every time you go in public.

you want people to think you’re perfect.

you want people to think you’re accomplished.

you want people to love you.

but what’s left on the inside?

what’s really underneath the makeup?

what’s really underneath the mask you wear?

the way you feel about yourself defines how you truly view yourself.

the world’s opinion means nothing.

that doesn’t mean you aren’t worth something, though.

you are beautiful.

you deserve to love who you are inside.


loving: with an eating disorder

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self harm.

all just words, but mean so much more.

labels that society has given you.

labels that society has given me.

labels that you carry for the rest of your life and try to hide with smiles.

labels that you try and hide through accomplishments.

labels that you try and hide through social conformity.

you think that looking like everyone else will solve your problems.

will ease your pain.

that somehow being “pretty” and “skinny” will fill the emptiness you feel inside.

emptiness currently filled by disappointment and self-hate.

that somehow you will finally feel loved.

because right now, you don’t.

you have forgotten what it feels like to love yourself.

all you know is hate.

all you know is disgust.

“if you lose 5 more pounds you’ll be the right size to deserve self-love.”

“if you are the skinniest girl in the room, your friends will love you more.”

“if you pretend to be happy, your parents will finally love you.”

however, you’re not alone.

you aren’t the only one who thinks like this.

according to the dove real beauty campaign:

75% of girls have truthfully reported to have low self-esteem.

only 25% feel positive about herself.

because of this, many girls stop doing activities they once loved.

they feel they aren’t worthy and don’t look good enough to dance or cheer anymore.

they base their self-worth in their jean size.

they base their self-worth in the reflection in the mirror.

underneath the trophies, the good grades and the homecoming queen sash:

we’re all the same.

we’re all desperately searching for love.

not just love from others, though:


for some of you struggling with an eating disorder, recovery seems so far away.

recovery seems impossible.

recovery seems scary.

exactly one year ago, i began my own personal journey towards recovery.

towards freedom from my own battle with anorexia.

towards the hope of one day truly loving myself.

one year ago, i decided i was worth it.

one year later, i know i am.

recently, i sat down with a recovered bulimic.

during our interview, she talked about wanting to look like the pretty, skinny girls in school and how she eventually developed her bulimia in 8th grade.

through the entire ordeal, all she wanted was to be perfect.

she hated herself and felt her parent’s love was dependent on her successes.

yet, after many years of hard work, she beat her bulimia.

now she loves herself and knows she is loved by others.

but for every story of recovery, there is still someone suffering.

someone is still battling with self-hate, self-harm and starvation.

someone is still searching for self-worth.

but it doesn’t have to end like this.

there is always hope for recovery.

if you, or someone you know, are ready to take the first steps towards eating disorder recovery, please click on the link.

you are worth love.

you are worth happiness.

you are worth life.

you are beautiful.

you deserve to love yourself.

mirror, mirror on the wall

mirrors don't lie. they don't show you what you want to see; only the truth.

mirrors don’t lie. they don’t show you what you want to see; only the truth.

you live by what you see in the mirror.

i know because i do it too.

so many times you think to yourself:

“i wish my hips were smaller.”

“i wish my arms were more toned.”

“i wish my hair was shinier.”

everyday, we all constantly scrutinize the image that stares us back.

everyday, we become frustrated and angry with the image we see.

everyday, someone decides to end their life because of what she sees.

that alone breaks my heart.

but what truly makes me upset is the emphasis society has placed upon our physical reflection.

we have been trained from an early age to find the flaws on our own bodies.

i can personally remember seeing my mother stand in front of a full length mirror and pointing out everything that was “wrong with her physical appearance.”

nothing pleased her and she would often say “mommy is too ‘fluffy’ to wear that.”

i was only 4 years old and those moments are engrained in my mind.

my mother was in her early 30s and was beautiful. she was thin and looked about 5 years younger than she really was.

yet she still found flaws in herself.

this is something we all do constantly: never will we be good enough or happy enough with what we see.

but there’s one thing the mirror doesn’t reflect: the person that is inside.

the soul that truly defines each of us and makes us who we are isn’t represented.

what if instead of looking at the outside, you looked at the person’s heart instead.

what if we all tried doing that.

wouldn’t life be that much kinder?

i challenge you to look beyond the image you see in the mirror and start looking at the person on the inside.

you might be surprised what you find.

you are beautiful.

you deserve to look inside.

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