have you ever tried to describe the experience of eating to someone who has never experienced an eating disorder?
it’s nearly impossible.
they cannot understand the constant fear you experience as you look at a plate of food.
they cannot understand the quick calculations, which occur in your head, as you decide what will be eaten.
they cannot understand the feeling of failure as you look at an empty plate, knowing all those calories are inside of you.
they cannot understand the desire to punish yourself for your careless mistakes.
thoughts swarm your head as you sit down to a meal,
“everyone is watching the amount of food i take.”
“they know i have an eating disorder, but if i eat too much they’ll think i’m healthy.”
“i can’t have them think i’m healthy.”
“i can’t do this. i can’t let myself eat. i’m already too fat and ugly.”
the voices scream insults at you, growing louder and louder…
… but all you want is for the voices to be silenced.
all you want is to enjoy eating one meal completely guilt free.
they say a “picture is worth one thousand words.”
above there are five pictures, each representing one thousand words.
five thousand thoughts.
five thousand stories.
five thousand lives.
your story is one of them.
this cycle can be broken. this cycle can be changed. this cycle can end today.
i challenge you to speak up; let your voice be heard.
stop this abuse you take from your mind.
inside of you is a happy person, just waiting to be let out.
talk to someone you trust, that’s the first step to recovery.
that’s the first step to ending anorexia or bulimia or depression or self-harm’s grip on your life.
for more information about receiving help, click here.
you are beautiful.
you deserve to be free.